Which is nice for people living in Manchester and not so nice to customers of the Royal Albert Hall who recently received letters saying that Doherty's show there had been postoned 'due to unforeseen circumstances'.

Er, yeah, your headliner being in prison.

But having been behind bars he'll be back behind the mic on May 17 to appear with Babyshambles at the 02 Wireless Weekender at Manchester Academy.

Other acts in the line-up include Shortwave Set, We Are Scientists and The Young Knives.

And following up on a previous story, if you want to see Coldplay for free you need to get to their website and try and win tickets for the London warm-up on June 16.

Otherwise, you can buy tour tickets next week... but you'll also need plane tickets because they've only announced US dates so far.  

Something like that anyway. Because it looks like Britney's comeback album is going to go head to head with Whitney Houston's comeback album.

The, ahem, troubled divas seem to have got over their various Winehouse-esque problems and are both back in the studio working on new material. And both comeback albums are expected just before Christmas.

Early reports – well, report, singular, in the Sun – suggests that the more confident label bosses are over in the Britney camp. She's rumoured to have put those much-documented problems behind her and bounced back big-style from the Blackout washout.

The new demos are, we hear, top notch.

'Britney has been on fire in the studio of late,' said one insider.

'During recording sessions for the last album she was consumed by her chaotic private life. But she is determined to make a triumphant comeback. Top brass have been amazed by the quality of tracks they’ve heard.'

However, over in the red corner, Whitney's also shaping up for a killer album. Will.I.Am, R Kelly and John Legend have all been roped in for songwriting duties and she's hooking up with Akon for the next single.

Who will win? And do we really care if it just means two good albums? Or, at the very least, a video like the Toxic one?

Well, we may have spoken too soon.

According to Entertainment Weekly, it may not be happening at all. Or it might be happening... but without director Jon Favreau and star Robert Downey Jr.

Quite frankly it's very difficult to tell. The stars have clauses in their contracts allowing for up-to two sequels but Marvel Studios won't confirm their plans.

And Downey Jr won't confirm anything either.

'I really don’t know,' he told EW when they pushed. 'What I’m on board for right now is the ride home.'

Hmm. Very cryptic. Anything to add to that Bob?

'I don’t want to start talking out of my league, because that would have certainly been my inclination in the past.

'I kind of know how to keep my teeth together a little better than I used to.'

We imagine being sober and clean helps that as well, Mr D.

More on the sequel when we know, chaps...

The famously game Ms Jolie has got up to all sorts of stuff in the past and a video has just surfaced of her as a teenager doing naughty horizontal things with groups of men.

Before you get too excited though, it's all a bit of a tease: it's not some grainy footage of the wild child getting wild, it's actually a glossy pop video for an Italian singer.

The song is Alta Marea by Antonello Venditti, a cover version of Crowded House's Don't Dream It's Over. In the original form, there were lines about towing cars with hole in the roof, and walking again to the beat of a drum.

Something seems to have been lost in translation because the video sees Angelina cavort 'neath the covers with assorted men, and dancing seductively in a gold-chained bra for a group of lads. She then gets off with a couple of bikers and some bodybuilders, before ending up back with her boyfriend.

Quite what that has to do with freedom within, and freedom without, we don't know, so if you'll excuse us, we're going to go and watch the video some more until we can work it out.

For those squeamish about advance storylines, best look away now.

The old Brit thesp, who plays Professor Oxley, a colleague of Jones and also on the search for the magical crystal skull, may have been sworn to secrecy but may have inadvertently revealed that he is the bad guy in the movie.

Franchise creators Steven Spielberg and George Lucas have locked down all the actors and crew not to reveal any story or plots ahead of the film's release on May 22.

And Hurt told the Times he couldn’t say anything about the film other than he enjoyed making it.

But then he revealed something everyone knows: ‘Harrison Ford does all his own fights,’ he said.

But continued: ‘I should know, I was in one of them.’

Doh!

Furiously back-pedalling, he spluttered, ‘Or then again, was I involved in a fight with him? It’s possible I just watched.’

Oh heck. Sixty-eight years old and he makes a schoolboy error.

Questioned at Limehouse nick in east London, the badly bee-hived singer was accompanied by her long-suffering dad, Mitch and was questioned under caution.

Mitch was the parent who recently called for his daughter to be sectioned under the mental health act in attempt to break the circle of her drug and substance abuse.

Arriving at midday she shouted from the car window: ‘I wanna go and play football,’ – a bizarre comment which supports her dad’s thoughts.

Wino was apparently smoking crack fumes and looked as if she were taking ecstasy, cocaine and half a dozen valium pills in the 19 minute clip.

Enough to fell an elephant and it would be pretty impressive if it were an Olympic sport. But it isn’t.

You need EPO and steroids for that.

She is now convinced, the MegaStar Ed doesn’t exist (he made us write, that).

Cam-girl has been unlucky in love, dating a string of high-profile pop stars and actors. Among her romantic attempts at finding Mr Right, she has dated Matt Dillon, Jared Leto and Justin Timberlake and now at the ripe old age of 35, says: ‘You're always told he has to look like this and this is how he exists in all the storybooks - but it doesn't always come in those packages.’

We suggest she widen her search and include scruffy journalists and beer-loving web-heads.

 And even when they do come in the right package you’d better watch out. She reckons: ‘And people are not always what they seem to be. I was really a big fairy-tale girl when I was growing up.’

Surely the plotline of Shrek – when the Ogre falls in love with the Princess - teaches her all she needs to know about Prince Charming.

Basically, he’s a big gay Brit actor called Rupert Everett

And now she’s married. According to reports. And it may not be definite.

Anyway, the chipmunk-faced mega mammary tune belter has got spliced to Nick Cannon in a private ceremony in the Bahamas last Wednesday, according to US magazine, People.

The rumours were flying last week when Mariah – out and about promoting her latest album - was snapped wearing what looked like a whooping engagement ring.

And now People have published a supposed wedding picture.

The gossip mag quotes a source as saying the couple are ‘soulmates’ and that Mariah has said she ‘never felt a love like this was in the cards for me.’ What? Normal love with a normal human being? Mariah always had exceptionally high standards.

And although unkind sorts are suggesting it may all be a publicity stunt, we believe bazooka-boobed diva’s can finding love in a whirlwind romance.

She only met laughing boy at the end of March on the videoshoot for her new single Bye Bye.

Not that Christina Ricci doesn't like live music. It's just that she's too short to see anything.

The not-so-leggy lovely told Closer magazine that, at a mere 5 foot, 1 inch, gigs are pointless.

'I hardly ever go,' she revealed. 'I've given up. I'm so small, I can never see the stage. So I figure, what's the point?'

We have a solution Christina. You buy the tickets, we carry you on our shoulders. After seeing Black Snake Moan, we'd carry you anywhere.

Someone we're not so keen to help though is Lindsay Lohan. Holy Moly reports that the actress – assuming she still does that? anyone? - walked out of a nightclub with someone else's coat.

Someone else's £5,000 coat, apparently.

The coat, a mink, belonged to the grandmother of student Masha Markova but somehow Lindsay got hold of it. And Masha only discovered where it had gone when she spotted Li-Lo wearing it in photos in OK! Magazine.

Calling in the lawyers, Masha apparently got the coat back but it stank of cigarettes and booze so she's now seeking £5k in compensation.

We guess dry cleaners are a lot more expensive in New York.

Masha is also suggesting that Lindsay should take an old fashioned Russian punishment for her alleged crime. 'Milk goats for two weeks,' is her recommended sentence.

Fair enough. But won't they also come back smelling of cigarettes and booze?

The band will be releasing their – as yet untitled – 13th album on September 13.

So, to mark the occasion, they'll be releasing a single on May 13.

Then another on June 13.

Followed by one on July 13.

And one on August 12.

Nah. Only joking. It's August 13.

The first single will be called The Only One with another new track, NY Trip, as the b-side. The second single will be called Freakshow, with All Kinds of Stuff on the b side. That's the name of the track, by the way, not a description.

And attention all Cure completists: the a-sides will appear on the album but the b-sides won't, so you might want to stick a few notes in your diaries.

Details of the final two singles will be announced shortly.

The band, approaching the 30th anniversary of their first album next year, are also launching a major US tour this month.  There's no news yet of a UK tour but here's hoping.

Incidentally that's not a diaper full of Indian food you can smell. No, we've broken out the Sex Panther to celebrate.

In a statement worthy of jazz-flute playing, news room legend Ron Burgundy himself, director Adam McKay announced that 'Will and I are like 'let's do Anchorman 2.''

There's no word yet whether the rest of the Channel 4 news team – Paul Rudd, Steve Carell and David Koechner – will be involved.

Nor is there any sign whether Christina Applegate will be back as Veronica Corningstone. In fact there's very little news at all, other than McKay's somewhat rambling announcement in the Sun that it will, like, happen.

Sometime. 'You're talking, like, in two years time,' said McKay. 'But we are going to do it, for sure.

'We’re dying to do it.' Some might say you should never go back. But maybe it'll be like the Sex Panther and 60 per cent of the time, it works every time...

On the downside, he's a bit of a paparazzo and he's previously been accused of planting listening devices in Nicole Kidman's home. But on the plus side, he's been snapping Mischa Barton with no top on.

That's Mischa who's got no top on, not Jamie, of course.

The OC cutie, 22, has been holidaying in Australia and, while sunbathing on Hamilton Island, she decided to drop the top. Which is when Jamie started snapping, according to the actress. 'He's a ridiculous human being,' she told the Syney Daily Telegraph.

'I've never abhorred anyone more. I was so angry, I went up to him and said how disappointed I was with his behaviour. He apologised but he was very insincere.'

Fawcett, however, reckons he warned Mischa that, if she were to whap 'em out, he couldn't be expected not to snap 'em. 'We spoke to each other on the island,' he told the paper, 'and that's when I showed her my camera and I hadn't taken any shots of her topless. 'I did warn her it was a public place, and if she wanted privacy she shouldn't be there.

'I'm not a perv, and I didn't intentionally mean to embarrass her. I don't just set out and start my day thinking I want to get any celebrity topless.'

You don't? We start everyday hoping to get a celebrity topless.

The slinky saucepot was said to be 'thrilled' she is getting spliced to Canadian boyf, Ryan Reynolds.

Reynolds, who starred in Blade Trinity and Definitely Maybe is - in a hilarious twist of fate - filming a movie called The Proposal.

Oh, how we laughed until realising it was barely worth a titter.

After all, Johansson was being taken up the aisle and no, that’s not a euphemism nor a luaghing matter.

Johansson is not scared to make bold moves and recently branched out into the music world. Her plinky-plonky mood album Anywhere I Lay My head is due out on May 20.

Scarlett is only 23 and considered by many in the glam game as a bit hot.

Not bad and hardly surprising to reveal Downey has agreed to sign on for a sequel to the comic book adaptation.

But we need to be patient and wait until 2010 before we get to see the next installment.

There's no sign of the comic-book and retro programme adaptation trend slowing with reports Thor, Captain America and The Avengers all getting a modern makeover.

But good old strong acting still wins the day. Just think about George Clooney's Batman. But only if we must.

But she may be the tip of the celeb-snorting iceberg as other sniff-happy media types may have also been filmed scoring their fave chum Charlie.

As a spectator sport, there's nothing like watching a few overpriced and under-talented celebrities squirm, and the secret filming of Peaches has put the frightners on a few more d-listers. A

 character called Johnny Blagrove – who has been dubbed a 'celebrity drug dealer' - was quizzed and bailed by cops after his house was searched. What became clear, according to the Mirror, was that he and his girlfriend Cara Burton were supplying drugs to a 'celebrity cocaine ring'.

And now many of the 'country's best known TV stars, singers and models are today anxiously waiting for a knock on their door from the boys in blue'.

The Mirror says it knows the names of at least seven 'major celebrities' who are dreading the phone ringing as they are regular visitors to Blagrove’s house.

A source said: 'They know that if footage or even just the story comes out then their careers will be wrecked. But they are powerless.

It seems the footage was taken by Blagrove and the footage of Peaches was recovered from a memory stick seized in the police raid.

It is not sure if Blagrove filmed the cocaine deals for blackmail purposes or perhaps a form of insurance in case things went wrong. Looks like we’ll find out soon enough.

In the second such gesture from the US rockers, the 10-track album called The Slip is a 'thank you to our fans for their continued support,' and can be downloaded from the band's website.

In March the progressive rockers (as in, they adapt to technology not noodle guitars and synths) gave away nine tracks from the instrumental Ghosts I-IV album, with the remaining 27 songs costing a whooping five bucks. So they have a reputation for screwing every penny out of their fans!

It helps, of course, that the band have the nest egg of having sold 10 million albums between 1992 and 2007 and they've a track record - if you excuse the pun – for criticising the record industry over hefty CD prices.

Singer and songwriter Trent Reznor laid into his former Universal label for 'ripping off' music fans and memorably told a gig audience to 'steal, steal and steal some more'.

The Nine Inch Nails have led the way for bands like Radiohead's – who let punters set the price of their album – and Coldplay’s recent decision to give away the first single from their new album.

Well, certainly in the US. We're still trying to find out if it all applies to the UK.

However, on the tentative assumption it does, let's have a little Mexican wave for the news that Apple's head honcho Steve Jobs has finally got all the major studios on board and digital downloads of all their movies will be available from the moment the DVDs and Blu-Ray discs hit the shelves.

Jobs (and, we imagine, one or two of his team) have been busy getting Fox, Warners, Paramount, Sony, Universal, Disney, Lionsgate, Image Entertainment and First Look to sign on the dotted line and sell their movies via iTunes.

We'd call it a major breakthrough but can't help feeling that actually the studios need the deal as much as Apple wanted it. According to Variety – and let's face it, they should know - 'disc sales for new releases have been displaying worrisome softness.'

Which, we assume, means 'the bottom's falling out of the market, let's panic.'

The magazine's industry experts reckon that resistance had been due to concerns over pricing and the fear that Steve Jobs would become too powerful. Which, we assume, means more like Donald Trump than a Transformer.

They were also concerned that allowing digital downloads would upset WalMart – who threw their toys out of the pram when Disney put High School Musical up for online sale – but hey, it's WalMart, they're evil so stuff 'em. New releases will, apparently, cost $14.99 with back catalogue stuff going for around $9.99.

At current exchange rates that's just over eight quid for a new film and about £5.50 for the old stuff. Here's hoping the prices apply to the UK then...

The singer/actress/dancer/ample bottom-spokesmodel (we may have made one of those up) had set-up a deal with cable channel TLC to make a fly-on-the-wall documentary about her life.

The show's still going ahead. It's just that the fly is only going to be allowed on selective walls. According to People.com, J-Lo has vetoed the crew filming any aspects of her personal life as she attempts to juggle her career, her marriage to Marc Anthony and being a mother of twin babies.

Instead it will now be a programme about the launch of her new fragrance. Which is what, fragrance number eight? Nine?

 Just in case there was any doubt, Lopez's manager Simon Fields made an official announcement that, as far as the TV show goes, they're not getting behind that front door.

'The recent show Jennifer Lopez plans to produce for TLC is not a reality show,' he declared. 'It's a show that will track the creation, production and eventual launch of a new fragrance.

'Jennifer will appear in a creative, entrepreneurial capacity and will absolutely not feature her children and family life.'

We believe this is what they call 'advertorial'. Or, indeed, 'boring'.

The singer/actress/dancer/ample bottom-spokesmodel (we may have made one of those up) had set-up a deal with cable channel TLC to make a fly-on-the-wall documentary about her life.

The show's still going ahead. It's just that the fly is only going to be allowed on selective walls. According to People.com, J-Lo has vetoed the crew filming any aspects of her personal life as she attempts to juggle her career, her marriage to Marc Anthony and being a mother of twin babies.

Instead it will now be a programme about the launch of her new fragrance. Which is what, fragrance number eight? Nine?

 Just in case there was any doubt, Lopez's manager Simon Fields made an official announcement that, as far as the TV show goes, they're not getting behind that front door.

'The recent show Jennifer Lopez plans to produce for TLC is not a reality show,' he declared. 'It's a show that will track the creation, production and eventual launch of a new fragrance.

'Jennifer will appear in a creative, entrepreneurial capacity and will absolutely not feature her children and family life.'

We believe this is what they call 'advertorial'. Or, indeed, 'boring'.

Do you: a) go home and be a good boy to make up for being a cad and a bounder? Or b) go partying to the small hours with the world's biggest porn star?

If you're Ashley Cole, you'll have answered a) of course. But for his team mates, option b) was the popular choice as they hit Chinawhite for a sesh... and ran into Jenna Jameson.

Also partying with the Blues was another MegaStar favourite, Emma B.

And do you know why the Chelsea players quaffed 10 grand's worth of booze with sexy women?

That's right. Because they can.

After a quiet beer with Frank Lampard and his dad in Knightsbridge pub The Castle, John Terry, Michael Essien, Saloman Kalou and Shaun Wright-Phillips went on for a mega-sesh where Jenna was reportedly so impressed with the boys that she moved her table to be close to them.

And, according to the Sun, the Blues stars were suitably impressed with the blue star when she started dirty dancing.

However, Jenna's night ended in disgrace as, allegedly, she was booted from the club for a drug-related incident.

According to a member of her entourage though Jenna 'just asked if one of her friends could go in with her in the toilets to touch up her make-up before facing the paparazzi.

'But the toilet attendant said no, and kicked off. The bouncers called us American pigs, which brought Jenna to tears.'

Was Jenna's friend called Charlie? Maybe that's why there was some confusion.

Never mind, here's the lady in question without tears or, indeed, much else...

The uberproducer / performer / guru – frankly we don't know what he does other than stick his name on the cover – is teaming up with Simon Le Bon and all those other blokes for a live show in Paris.

They probably won't be called Ronson Duran (because that sounds like a middleweight boxer) or The Ronson Duran Project (because that sounds like a 70's prog rock band) but, whatever they're known as, they'll be playing a gig together in Paris.

The event, to be called the Smirnoff Experience Paris – which makes The Ronson Duran Project sound pretty good now we think of it – will feature reworked versions of the band's back catalogue as well as sprinkling the Ronson magic over the band's recent less-than-steller album, Red Carpet Massacre.

NME.com reports that the acts have released a statement confirming that they've 'already started planning this collaboration with regular conversations from the road' and 'that Mark is now following up on with time spent in the studio.'

Ronson will play a solo show at the event – ooh, live knob twiddling, that'll be exciting – which will, apparently, feature Le Bon as one of his pool of guest vocalists.

The actor has, once again, been accused of using a high-profile escort service. Last time, it was ex-wife Denise Richards suggesting that Charlie had a bit of a taste for expensive members of the oldest profession.

Although if it is truly the oldest profession, what did the blokes do who paid for it? But hey, we digress. Back to the naughty Two And A Half Men star...

Rolling Stone journalist Vanessa Grigoriadis was talking to Nici, the owner of the cunningly titled Nici's Girls, and she revealed that Sheen had – allegedly, reportedly and all sorts of other legal cover words ending in 'ly' – ordered four escorts for $20,000.

Talking to the New York Post's PageSix.com, Grigoriadis explained: 'when Nici dropped four girls off at his penthouse, she found the actor in silk pajamas with ‘C. MaSheen’ embroidered over the pocket.

'Sheen gave her a $20,000 check for the girls, and she picked them up several hours later.'

Sheen even kept up his, ahem, hobby during his court-ordered stint in rehab. Nici 'continued to book girls for him, furtively sending them to a doctor's office in Los Angeles owned by a friend of Sheen's,' revealed Grigoriadis.

'The orderlies at the rehab centre would let him out for his frequent medical appointments.' We know we shouldn't say anything, but the only thing cooler than an alleged escort-addict doing escorts in rehab is Sheen's publicist's reaction. 'This is an old, old, old story,' he declared.

'But, if you're looking for a really good story, I heard that Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe are getting a divorce.'

Well, in the case of Emma B it's probably true.

Talking to Vanessa Feltz in the Daily Star, the model – she's the 'face' of Ann Summers, don't you know – admits that she and new love Ollie Oxley are at it like rabbits.

Annoyingly good looking, athletic rabbits in fact.

Emma, you see, wants to keep Ollie happy and is considering getting a 'cloud swing' fitted in the bedroom. A cloud what?

'It’s a special swing made of thick, soft, twisted rope in a U shape,' explained the pneumatic Em. 'I’ll pour a couple of drinks, put some throbbing music on and show Ollie some daring X-rated moves which will blow his mind.'

And if the Cloud Swing shop is out of stock?

'I'll get a pole erected at the bottom of the bed.'

Ladies: for the record, this is the correct answer.

Depressingly, Emma disagrees with Jordan's recent comments that posing in lingerie means she just wants slippers and the TV when she gets home.

'I’m the opposite,' revealed the annoyingly perfect Emma. 'I love sex. Stripping down to a tiny bra and brief set, especially if it’s black lace with pale pink trimming – possibly feathers – means I’m so excited I can hardly contain myself on the way home to Ollie.'

Bloody Ollie. If he wasn't bigger than us, we'd really hate him.

We'd hoped that meant he was going to be the voice of women's smalls on Radio Top Shop but, typically, the shiny-headed tea loving New Yorker is cooler than that.

Hence he'll be doing a free hour at Phonica Records in Soho on May 9 before sliding down to the Indig02 for his album launch party.

The address, seeing how you should probably start queueing now, is 51 Poland Street, London W1.

That's the morning's good news. Worse news is that Lindsay Lohan is reviving her music career – with a helping hand from Snoop Dogg.

Not to mention Timbaland and Pharrell Williams.

The Sun calls Snoop and Lindsay an 'unlikely' pairing. We're not so sure. Lindsay whaps 'em out for a series of classy nude pics... then America's most aggressively heterosexual rapper expresses interest.

Coincidence? Hardly.

According to insiders, the song Dogg's given Li-Lo is 'amazing'. The album is due later this year and is, remarkably, out on Motown.

That's the question on cynical lips this morning following Paula Abdul's latest moment of foot / mouth interface.

Idol hopeful Jason Castro performed Forever In Blue Jeans on the show's 'Neil Diamond Night'. When it was Paula's turn to give her opinion, she left Castro and the entire audience baffled.

And, no doubt, Simon Cowell giggling.

'Jason, first song, I loved hearing your lower register, which we never really hear,' she announced, giving an indication of what was to come. 'Um... the second song,' she continued, 'I felt like your usual charm wasn't - it was missing for me. It kind of left me a little empty.'

Er... two songs? Yep. Apparently.

'The two songs made me feel like you're not fighting hard enough to get into the top four,' added Paula before Randy Jackson pointed out that, actually, Jason had only sung once.

'You're seeing the future, baby!' announced Ryan Seacrest, cutting the rambling choreographer off before she either revealed too much about the show's filming or the voices in her head sang a third song to confuse her even more.

This has, inevitably, led to speculation online that perhaps Idol isn't as live as it's made out to be.

Fox TV refused to comment while Cowell merely said that 'this was officially the strangest show we've ever done.'

For the record, Jason survived and Brooke was sent home. Finally.